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Thursday, November 23rd, 2006

Subject:we're running away
Time:10:56 am.
the blah-a-gains.i wish my voice was deeper, my small child of thirteen months.i knew what'd be next.& the first time we visited together i am sencerly happy.'its good to see you'.to back home, dinner with the family, we've accumulated alot of families, this is strange.i've always wanted to be a vocalist& an artist,oh man. dinner, 5 hevier,this is funny. i am tired.i want to take this with me, you turn me on. this is like the old i cant help quoting you with rings, i had a day dream about that. and dreams, singular, about witches, we hand magic wands that would glow when they'd find eachother. she was too young anyways, so i was deleted again.i had a crush on everyone, relax, this is enough, i am feeling good, its weird how much better this year is, last year ws so hard compared to the year before it, how easy and enjoyable mischieviouse. i have to learn how to spell. no! i dont care. i asked you, to many many times.
[in the silver age of horror]

Sunday, September 3rd, 2006

Time:4:14 pm.
im excited to go back to tucson tomorrow, its been nice here. i thought over there in our house 'i am bored, i am home all the time, lonely momma alexa' thats me everywhere, here, all my friends are here, i only see them in the night time anyways. & there my nighttime with andrew, i love it. daytime adri. the outside here is wonderful, family at grandpa eddie's house learning to shoot guns.weirdos. its so god damn nice here, it makes me almost cry thinking of going back into the heat. i got to wear tights today, long sleeved shirts. prescott is wonderful. but i am comfortable in tucson, i just think about living situations lately,anyway, im going to have a cigarette.
[2 more chilling tales in the silver age of horror]

Thursday, August 10th, 2006

Time:12:46 pm.
same as it ever was. filling time up with being only unproductive. im not feeling worried, but i think a lack of excitement.getting sort of hurt feelings over things that are unimportant. i had a constant blah feeling, thinking last night, 'maybe now it will go away'. i drove home not satisfied or unsatisfied. playing the same scenerios in my head that normally are nightmereish, and i felt nothing, no tears building. thinking of leaving for a change and thinking, maybe nothing will change.i am calm, not very confused, i dont feel at all nervouse. i feel like i can see exactly what will happen and i am going through with it anyways.im anxiouse for a new sort of experience.i hope somthing wonderful surprises me.i think i've deffinately made up my mind, but its still hard to tell. i think today i'll start packing.
[2 more chilling tales in the silver age of horror]

Saturday, July 15th, 2006

Time:1:56 pm.
lonely yes, usually to be here. missconseptions, well, people are confusing, and like sinister, ..nice. its a nice feeling, falling asleep sweaty and naked, not alonley alexa. everyday and every night, i am not sure, i am torn feeling, i think of saying back and forth, well back and forth, im cinfident that whatever happens i will become content with my living situation. i am in love, there are several families.ah those. i am full of ideas i am anxiouse to persue. today i feel good. polly jean happy and bleeding.-ah ha!
[3 more chilling tales in the silver age of horror]

Thursday, July 6th, 2006

Time:8:02 pm.
i am feeling melancoly, little crying eyes. names almost in unison, big bitch ah. well an exageration, i forget. well, i do nothing worse. i changed colours too soon, i wish i had my paint next to me now. shes gone, out of the house,being a mother, being uninteresting, lost in raising a life, unloveable romaticly feeling. i look into the future, seeing sinlge, feeling too young, not brave enough, too lazy. god damn, my hours in my days are overwhelming, i think im wanting to leave, but then nothing sounds appealing. wanting to do art but not having enough consecutive hours ah, well. i am calm, feeling tears behind my eyeballs. i read this old mail, thanking me for an explanation in writing. he made me feel clever,although obviousely unclever, not having a romantic interest yet..its an uncontent feeling.i cant make anything.i feel angry, feeling back to my last year of this time, fucking sad.i cant feeling of any place id feel comfortable right now, falling asleep on a bare chest, but not in this state..no, nowhere.i look at my belly all the time, back to its normal size, theres only one skinny girl making this an uneasy feeling, its not my fault.anyways, i like my new dress.
[in the silver age of horror]

Tuesday, June 27th, 2006

Time:11:06 am.
im content with the paintings i am working on. its hard to be in the right state of mind, not getting discouraged by all the other better artist in the world. i like listening to this cheesy music while doing art. i have to keep my mind out of these sort of heartbreaking day dreams that have become so rutine to me. i got in the habit of preparing myself for somthing bad to happen which had i think made me secretely always paranoid. so when i here about distance and think about it i start to rethink daydreams i hate. anyways, im making my mind fall out of that and focuse on these productive ideas im been thinking of, i need to blow my nose.
[5 more chilling tales in the silver age of horror]

Thursday, June 22nd, 2006

Time:8:04 am.
i didnt know what would make me care so much.i had developed a strong hatred, i stayed up thinking in my bed logically about it. trying to, an in the back of my mind though, i got rid of it. or am in the process of. its a bad feeling only thinking bad thoughts of somone. now im red faced, just to myself. i will brush my teeth, still not like a person, not talk badly of or hate though. there is nothing wronge with that.i only got to swim for fifteen minutes last night, i kept having to swim around kids, it wasnt really a lap swim, my legs and arms didnt feel shaky when i got out, dissapointing. im feeling sort of sad today. leaving at 11 to go to the only job i can have and take adri with me, watching two little girls.they call me alexas, im plural, second guess uhh. alright, ok ah, movies dialoge. well, i just created it, bothered with my mind, its just im trying to protect you, ill give up, im changing hardly.i still have to brush my teeth,i'll eat some breakfast yeah/you have to trust, there is some reason not to, get re-used to, untill there is another reason not to, this state of secreat mind is no way to live.
[in the silver age of horror]

Saturday, June 17th, 2006

Time:11:07 pm.
i was thinking oh im sad feeling like being home tonight, feeling jealouse of super carelessness. driving drive home, i kept feel nervouse, driving there, sad again, but not sad really, uncontent feeling. sleeping in beds together, how long untill sex is..i cant think of the word. hardly there, im sort of enviouse of writers, very uh, you know, thats the definition of litierary and articulate? i dont know. i mean, but thats not my point. i was driving home thinking i wanted to be out, i dialed a number and i remembered, this is how its always been. when i was younger my restrictions then are the same now. and i got used to it then, seeing the appeal of staying home.i forget i love it.i ment to paint tonight, but being in this state and the things ive thought about where worth it, im not tired. its hot down here.having adri makes me not so ocused on myself, i dont know if thats noticable, it souds stupid all of this,i know.im not good at clever honesty, and my paper journal ive been writing in only once a month. hes eight months old tomorrow. being a young mother is enjoyable, think of how id be without him in my life yet isnt at all dissapointong comparing to now, the only difference would be, id party alot and have a job.thenafter a few years of that, trying to find a grown up balance in my life, that seems horrible. this is balanced, i dont feel the normal jealousey thinking of how andrews night is so much more eventful than mine, being here with adri. im feeling content. i feel good, not trying to make myself feel better, tricking ymself into contentment, its realy right now, it feels really good. i was day dreaming last night about next christmas, adri will be 14 months old walking and saying littlw words like mom and dad and giving us kisses and looking forward to it.i was thinking of how i was looking forward to when adri could crawl and how i wanted to notice it so much now that hes doing it. its so fucking cute. we're the perfect pair, his cloths today, mm.its nerdy sounding, i imagine his slow drawn out sounding "oh-my-god" reaction, head and eyes tilted back. i used to anticipate it and be sort of embarressed. its just sort of amusing now.i dont know, im sort of sleepy and so happy i got to talk to sara tonight.i cant wait to go swimming on mandy and start painting on my new big canvas, ive had it for a week. its still wrapped, im not intimidated by it, but im somthing like worried about fucking it up.im not going to re read it, which is a habbit i usually erase everything so stupid sounding.im hoping for some lots of inspiration, i have it o forgot, god damn. i havent done art in so long, since before andrew gave me the anatomy for the artist book, aw that was so nice.i love you, lets blah blah blah.
[3 more chilling tales in the silver age of horror]

Thursday, June 1st, 2006

Time:11:05 pm.
she sounds all the same to me. good sounding anyways. i kept crying so much tonight,i feel so unaccomplished being a young mother, my piles of art arent me anymore and i dont have time to create more pile of more suiting ones.so i tried intertaining adri, he was amused and drank my milk to sleep. i feel like a let down of a lover, without any spontaneity.no all night drunk and chainsmoking, its not alright for me to be super careless, or hardly. not late nights, or midnights, only places where i can bring adri. im not feeling so sad anymore. its embaressing, feeling sorry for myself. the fruits of no sort of birthcontrol, ah, so thats funny to me. i feel like to much of a mom, i love adri so fucking much.i feel like he is drawn to girls unlike me, maybe how i'd be if i werent a mother, its hard to tell.i feel sad. i love being a mother, its just so consuming and overwhelming, obviousely. we are all born selfish and sexual, and so i admit i wish i had more time for myself.you can never see too much, the things we are taught to be ashamed of, im so god damn confused.girls are so pretty, child bearing hips, their obsession with breasts are the same as boys.i wish i had my paints.im jelouse feeling,lonely& uneasy tonight.
[in the silver age of horror]

Thursday, May 25th, 2006

Time:10:22 am.
this is funny.its so irritating,the thoughts i have to go through, comparisions to me, its not my fault, i guess im still getting over it somtimes.this summertime, well im in love with this book.i feel excited and i cant remember why, so i think of my day and what happened, what i saw or listened to, and i remember, my book!andrew's thoughtfullness.i keep day dreaming of the next series i will do, and how a seriies isnt planned on, but the inspiration and how its all you can feel like drawing, painting, but i think these will be ink drawings.you can never show too much or see too much in art.i read it i think.nudity can be missread as sexual, its funny.its easy to see it either way i think, but i think its harder to see it as somthing sexual, but you can see how some people owuld, you understand. i feel a little red faced about being so caught up in this book and bodies, ive been waiting, i dont care.insides and outsides. there is this painting,by blah blah blah Agoty, its a baby and a vagina, and the lower half of her belly anatomicly drawn so its numbered and shows the baby's and mamma's insides.the first time i saw it the vagina looked sort of gross, but now it looks like such a prety painting, it sounds so stupid to describe, its darling, the only word i can think of,the baby looking calm.
barns&nobles interview monday, do they wear aprins to work? i want to work somwhere where you wear an aprin, you do at micheals. im a little hungry. im noticing how much at home time i spend, and when i get phone calls during the day, it seems like too much of a hassle to go out to whoever is calling me. me and adri take up too much time.then i get enviosue of andrew when he can go meet friends in the morning to drink coffeand smoke cigaretts with.it seems so nice. maybe in the summer time i can. i feel like i can do so much more, tbu thats not true at all.i think mom will not be in school so she can help me watch adri more, but thats not true.i do this my whole life. looking forward to things that never happen, but i hardly get sad about the things that never happen, i look forward to new things. little day dreamer.i hope he got to work. well, then i'll be anxiouse for the fall, to wear tights and sweaters and boots again. if nothing else, there is the seasons changing to look forward to. i think of cloths alot i noticed, so i day dream of the different cloths i can wear. ita amusing. day dreaming of soon being able to produce so much art so i can show it in a nice place, that thought has been in my mind forever. im not in the mood to get sad and cry about how it may never happen.i feel good,maybe me and adri will go get some coffee. i get jelouse that andrew can go hang out with friends and cigaretts more often that me, but me and adri get to hang out all the time, i wish andrew got to hang out with adri more, so we are equal, yeahhhhh. those little clever writers, im just a talker, myself mostly?i dont care, and i felt like it was embaressing to be like, self proclaimed artist, i still feel that way. and shy showing my art lately, but its so much of a habbit to be like, 'come see my art'. so i still do it, and i dont mean it, i dont realy want to show it.i need to start these new drawings im thinking of, ive never drawn a penis before, which is funny i know i will feel like nervouse drawing it, thinking my mom will be like, "what are you drawing, alexa noooooooo, thats dirty".my mom is so uncomfortable with male nudity,its funny being raised around certain things and then forming your own opinion, on things like that, things that really dont matter, but then when you think of your mom it makes you uncomfortable. i dont know if it makes sence. this family we live in, its typical and laughable.i dreamt about mexican houses and this really big green one behind them all that was kyles, it was night time so i assumed he was sleepy guy, he was absent in my dream. somthing else. adri is asleep, i need to drink water and get ready.my head hurts, i have a worry lately, smoking hardly.
[in the silver age of horror]

Sunday, May 14th, 2006

Time:7:53 pm.
sort of strange. im feeling light headed. everyone tries to be like her including, like, everyone. shes so stupid.eww. they gave me a couple of drinks, my famliy and i am feeling light headed, its been a week since ive had a cigarett. i think im quiting. these family gatherings i hope i never attempt to bring andrew to one again. i forget, its not horrible.it just doesnt make any sence.i dont see a younger version. i think about autobiographies from the seventies. they are mostly like, stories of famouse friends with famouse friends partying and fighting,drinking and smoking. and it seems silly to write those sorts of stories, but they used to be fun to read the older ones you understand, i dont know. i would read those when i was 15 or sixteen.im sort of drunk.aha. i miss smoking, its not that hard to quit though. its not that hard to start smoking again though.i love him, well well well.its lasting long late night.i feel good. i mean, i feel sleepy. my tailbone hurts, can you belive somone wrote a song called shake your tailfeather, oh my god, it makes me sick, and i feel like i am laughing so hard like typing"ahahah" but that looks so stupid.im embarressed i even typed it, the "haha"'s and tailfeather, whatever. i feel like im goingto listen to modest mouse, i havent in i dont know how long. adri is seven months this week, im so glad he is past three months so i am past that getting reused to myself time. and past being pregnant no smoking becuase i couldnt and akward relationship, sex feeling like nothing time.i am happy, and i have a painting to finish. tired of entertaining and sleeping, and tv watching. its just there sitting in my room. i need to do some sort of ink drawing. i was day dreaming about skinny dipping today and thinking of it nonsexual but i think maybe thats not possible well, it is possible if its not co ed.ah, is that how you say it?or, wait a second. nevermind, i with i could go to sleep right now, i'd take a nap, but i think adri will wake up. its my firsst mothers day. what a weird holiday, i dont understand.i dont feel comfortable in it.im comfortable being a mother.ah, he awake!
[in the silver age of horror]

Monday, May 1st, 2006

Time:9:12 am.
i need to, oh ew.at least one good thing.walk, walk walk!listening to this , we listen to this in diferent ways.im just feeling like watching harold and maude.maybe start to use spell check.i dont care!
[1 more chilling tale in the silver age of horror]

Sunday, April 23rd, 2006

Time:2:03 pm.
well and so i wonder, is there any change, or just a constant back and forth.i get, not really hurt feelings, just this uneasy feeling all over my torso, i was trying to figure it out last night driving home. feeling like i dont know. i just hate it and its that sort of feeling you cant place so you want to press it into your skin and see it come out.i cant do that anymore.
so all morning ive felt scared like somthing horrible had happened.two too small shirts, two too to, i drank a diet coke. the throw rocks at my window i missed, and i missed.im so irritated, i bought colligraphy ink so i can produce something.i draw quite violently. its satisfying and so no longer being a student, no more strangers thinking im a creep. adri is frustrated wanting so badly to crawl, i am so frustrating wanting to badly to blah blah blah.i see myself so much differently. what am i?! im hungry and being repulsed by food. i am selfish, or forgetful, buying two shirts formyself to paint on. i am so unsatisfied.
adri got a little blue stroller today i love it.he loves it. me and adri, me and adri, we are mostly missing somthing, most of our lives so far. well god damn.
[in the silver age of horror]

Sunday, April 16th, 2006

Time:6:01 pm.
teach me anyways. i didnt know things would get back to this again. its refreshing, and im not worried. caught off gaurd, wonderful!
i was going to ignore it, i skimed through and saw somthing looking like my name,i was drawn in after that, and i always miss old friendships, remembering certain times, exchanging cloths and listening to the violent femmes and death cab for cutie. being 16, being seventeen. its funny.but somethings you know you cant trust. remembering things of written about and lies made up, feeling betrayed but not too badly.mm, pretty girls, shaking my head.disapointed alexa.

moving on, are we going to tell adri these stories?..yes!i wonder what he'll think.
'did our parents do things like this'we were the only car there.its just us.well, just us here.no, maybe its just everyone. i ment to come home and write down my night. i do have ideas but i guess the inspiration is ridiculouse. and i likethis one, i hate how they blend into eachother. somone took the blanket to get it washed and it just got ruined all over again. he always makes me the best tapes.i rolled down my windows and let my car air out tonight. i feel known better now, i dont even need to complain, it was always too much trouble to complain before, so this is good.
im hungry again.god damn, well, im sleepy headed all day long, all day long ah.
[1 more chilling tale in the silver age of horror]

Friday, April 14th, 2006

Time:9:36 am.
no, its just humourouse. i dont know, looking back in here, i mean its been here for years.this time last year being three months pregnant, feeling so uneasy and secreative.this time this year feels so much better.'those numbers look scary to me'. not wanting to think about like 6 months of our relationship. its mutual, and sad and funny.and anyways, like i said, this time feels so much better. my stomach could go down a little more in my opinion, i feel great. i am content with my art. adri is smiling all the time. all insecurities are gone.besides the back and forth ones with my art. and i guess back and forth ones with other things, but mostly, hardly there.wearing skirts with no tights. i had strange dreams last night, just lately, well just always i guess.the easiest thing i ever did. adri looks past nothingness often like he is lookng at a human, its sort of eerie. it feels like some sort of foreign presence. its just strange, not uncomfortable, sort of exciting.so many pretty girl voices, keep singing! quoting ursula. i thought it was funny. we used to sing it to eachother.
it discusted me so much, having nothing to do with me, oh maybe i know why. eww.you know i love you so much polaroid. i let him keep them and i want them badly. to bad you cant just split them in half and both have thin versions. im feeling sleepy and i went to sleep earlier than normal. feeling settled. satisfied, well, yesterdays outside weather was not at all freezing cold, warm! we didnt even need hats, i mean i didnt even need to put adri in a hat. i'd like to go on a bikeride today. i live in so many hills, i want to go on a flat bike ride though.
[in the silver age of horror]

Monday, April 10th, 2006

Time:3:10 pm.
i finished me drawing in ink today. i took more polaroids to draw on. all of them lately there arent anylines i want to draw on but i cant help but to draw on them. i like them anyways. im feeling like i like my art again? i dont know, im just not really thinking about it. but i am enjoying it. my finger feels like its bubbling, i look at it, its completely normal. its so windy up here. this hill isnt even very high. im just reading internet stuff, like artist and musicians, its like reading the dictionary to me. i enjoy it, but i never remember any of it. maybe if i tried to be more knowledgable i could.i dont understand why i would, like my spelling, and um. like, i dont know.i dont kno wwhat i am talking about. i need to do at least one more drawing today.i should have already been working on it since adri is asleep right now. he wakes up and watches me draw, he tries to grab my jar of ink.adri royal. having and child and being so in love with him, its so constant and normal now. but when i think about it alot, its so stange.i mean its completely normal, being a mother. but me being a mother, its strange.i cant believe how much i love it. i used to think mothers faked their love for their children. i understand how real it is now.maternal insticts, these ones may be a little different. not to seems so special or somthing. maybe just from my mothers.im feeling sort of sleepy, art!hark.
[2 more chilling tales in the silver age of horror]

Tuesday, April 4th, 2006

Subject:they're coming
Time:9:35 am.
Mood: morose.
i wan looking through, these are depressing to me. there too big and scattered, and i think its my brown hair now that is sad to me, silly, and well.to damaged to change. hmm, the little prince is inspiring. i owe being interested in a book to charlie, i hope adri loves it. hes only interested in books with colorful pictures in the m right now. we went to the mall the other day and i showed him lots of salvador dali's art. he loved it, he'd smile and shake his little body. anyways.
i dont know. late summer 04.
Image hosting by PhotobucketImage hosting by PhotobucketImage hosting by PhotobucketImage hosting by Photobucket
Image hosting by Photobucket
then, pragnant alexa winter/spring 05
Image hosting by PhotobucketImage hosting by PhotobucketImage hosting by Photobucket
momma lexa fall 06
Image hosting by PhotobucketImage hosting by PhotobucketImage hosting by PhotobucketImage hosting by PhotobucketImage hosting by Photobucket
[9 more chilling tales in the silver age of horror]

Thursday, March 30th, 2006

Time:11:46 pm.

i want to dance in your, no no. i just dont have a person to talk about my upsetting feelings with. i am not complaining, only i think one girl could relate to me. the conflict between lovers and family members. she too far from me. come here! anyways.
i am fine. my hair smells like cloves, its so strong,its getting to me. i stand up and i smell. i keep waving my hands around my hair. i just want to go sit ouside with a blanket and have a cigarett. i dont know its silly, i cant stop looking at them, im talking about, ah ha. i am kidding.i just rolled my eyes at myself, my body is funn of strech marks and still i am vain. i rolled my eyes becuase i am embarressed, i dont care. im just being honest.to be appealing, i was joking.
i felt like crying out of frustration earlier, i was trying to actually, i thought it would make her stop talking, or feel sorry for me or somthing.i never wat sympathy, but, i guess it was becuase there was nothing i was sad about except for listening to her talk.
id rather take things lightly insted of getting upset and making a big deal of things. s it horrible becuase its not typical? the way he is. i dont know, i think i love it.
they say,"explain to me why alexa!?"
"no!" or they think it anyway. thye dont understand.
its that back in forth way of thinking,do they just make me feel so different from them that i think i am. or am i just really? or are we the same. i think about it alot. ive lived with them for my entire life.

they say,"oh adri is goingto grow up to be a football player, baseball, soccor, track guy" and whatever else there is.i wouldnt mind it. but, hmm. today i was reading to him, the little prince, charlie gave it to me for adri at my baby shower. i thought, 'this is what adri is going to grow up with'
creative stories and art. if he loves sports, i'll take an interest in them.
i am his mother and andrew is his father, i hope we will be the biggest influences on him.
i love my family, they just confuse me on the way i am somtimes and the people i love. and i have to rethink everything, but i always remember who i am and what i love, and the sorts of things that dont matter to me, when people say they should. they just dont understand, and i dont tell them to help them try to. i dont think this makes anysence. sorting out my thoughts.-sorted!
mm, i feel better. everything is the way it should be. i like it this way. well, mostly.good night, i love you, lets go to sleep.
satisfying, and sitting outside i feel would get the smell out. not logical, i dont know. im the only one who liekd it anyways. i hope other people will, but oh well. i dont remember today.
[2 more chilling tales in the silver age of horror]

Tuesday, March 28th, 2006

Time:2:45 pm.
mm mm. i dont know.it just feels so nice right now. babble adri.bubble bobble.
i want to go on a walk, its all rainy, i want to hang out with billy.
him with everyone else in town is a good feeling. umbrellas, it makes me feel like,
too many explinations, but good ones you know. not all i could want, all i could want.
and he does get that feeling, which i am happy to see exists, but um, now i understand
when they'd say,when i'd jokingly complain,"no, alexa, its a good thing".
its nothing, there is nothing, im tired of it, its calm. make it into nothing.
flattering, well, no, manipulating bodies or somthing, i dont know. most commenly said thing.
aw, and, i wouldnt say how much i loved just hearing it, and invite in advance, but.
its just been so good lately, maybe im the only one that thinks so. but, i think so.
i dont know, i havent said anything in a long time in anysort of journals. i keep staring at my knees looking like i like them i think so. i had a dream last night, my lover friends married and there cloths were switched around and everyone thought they were completely breath taking, ah ha. well. mm.
just hearing about it makes me know more what i want. what i want more, i dont know.
he thinks im so stupid sounding and in love with me. oh man.
im so happy, art, not knowing where anyone is, except when your with them. the way we would expain the realationships that sounded intriguing to us when we were little is like the way it is.adri amuses himself, he is my son, our son. im used to this you know. i know i restate always how i am re-comfortable withmyself, but it just keeps getting better. ah ha, adri is so fucking cute, he is just on his bellie moving is arms and legs around like a swimming guy, his head up in the air making little frustrated noises that hes not getting anywhere.im going to play with him. the end!
[in the silver age of horror]

Monday, March 20th, 2006

Time:8:38 pm.
oh i dont know. i see her with her secrete. not sure if its a real interest. i forget..how can you tell with no physical contact?not untill a hug goodbye. or pretending to push his chest gently with your hand to see if theres any sort of feeling. silly girls. i mean, easy girls, hips swinging.
its so foreign to me. a first impression of yourself being agressive make out.
i dont think i could ever pull it off. maybe becuase of shyness, or lack of apeal.
maybe its the home life, i mean, its unimportant. i dont know what i am talking about.
i mean yes i do. just um, so i am waiting for his 'im off work' call.i miss intimacy.
slightly younger boys surpriseing me and taking me on a smoking walk. made my day more enjoyable.
ah ha, ten things i hate about you is on tv, i got hardly excited for a second, but i couldnt sit through more than a few mintues, its in my backround noise now. maybe i should have called them back.
sort of sleepy. i used to see her wanting to be full of them, not knowing. i see it coming back,
sort of worrying. this is so silly. my bright sea green tights and dark bright green shorts are my new favorite things. walking around the house wearing them, changing my shirt often. i cant imagine having those dramatic confrontations, i used to day dream about them, but now in my sad day dreams i just walk away seemingly unfased and puncture the skin on my hips, since moms cant do that in real life.
and anyways i was flattered, it made me feel like sixteen telling dreams. i dont strive for it, i just left out an entire thought that i am now elaborating on. just envy it. not what you'd think, anyways. its not important. you know what not to act on and what your worried you might.
are our lives that calm? these silly scenerios. i just spend time with my 5 month old son all day long everyday, lots of thoughts build up you know what i mean. i used to love this song when i was thirteen or somthing. sleepy head all the time. i put adri to sleep and it makes me even more sleepy headed. i cant help it. i love you, lets go to sleep.
[in the silver age of horror]

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