this is funny.its so irritating,the thoughts i have to go through, comparisions to me, its not my fault, i guess im still getting over it somtimes.this summertime, well im in love with this book.i feel excited and i cant remember why, so i think of my day and what happened, what i saw or listened to, and i remember, my book!andrew's thoughtfullness.i keep day dreaming of the next series i will do, and how a seriies isnt planned on, but the inspiration and how its all you can feel like drawing, painting, but i think these will be ink drawings.you can never show too much or see too much in art.i read it i think.nudity can be missread as sexual, its funny.its easy to see it either way i think, but i think its harder to see it as somthing sexual, but you can see how some people owuld, you understand. i feel a little red faced about being so caught up in this book and bodies, ive been waiting, i dont care.insides and outsides. there is this painting,by blah blah blah Agoty, its a baby and a vagina, and the lower half of her belly anatomicly drawn so its numbered and shows the baby's and mamma's insides.the first time i saw it the vagina looked sort of gross, but now it looks like such a prety painting, it sounds so stupid to describe, its darling, the only word i can think of,the baby looking calm.
barns&nobles interview monday, do they wear aprins to work? i want to work somwhere where you wear an aprin, you do at micheals. im a little hungry. im noticing how much at home time i spend, and when i get phone calls during the day, it seems like too much of a hassle to go out to whoever is calling me. me and adri take up too much time.then i get enviosue of andrew when he can go meet friends in the morning to drink coffeand smoke cigaretts with.it seems so nice. maybe in the summer time i can. i feel like i can do so much more, tbu thats not true at all.i think mom will not be in school so she can help me watch adri more, but thats not true.i do this my whole life. looking forward to things that never happen, but i hardly get sad about the things that never happen, i look forward to new things. little day dreamer.i hope he got to work. well, then i'll be anxiouse for the fall, to wear tights and sweaters and boots again. if nothing else, there is the seasons changing to look forward to. i think of cloths alot i noticed, so i day dream of the different cloths i can wear. ita amusing. day dreaming of soon being able to produce so much art so i can show it in a nice place, that thought has been in my mind forever. im not in the mood to get sad and cry about how it may never happen.i feel good,maybe me and adri will go get some coffee. i get jelouse that andrew can go hang out with friends and cigaretts more often that me, but me and adri get to hang out all the time, i wish andrew got to hang out with adri more, so we are equal, yeahhhhh. those little clever writers, im just a talker, myself mostly?i dont care, and i felt like it was embaressing to be like, self proclaimed artist, i still feel that way. and shy showing my art lately, but its so much of a habbit to be like, 'come see my art'. so i still do it, and i dont mean it, i dont realy want to show it.i need to start these new drawings im thinking of, ive never drawn a penis before, which is funny i know i will feel like nervouse drawing it, thinking my mom will be like, "what are you drawing, alexa noooooooo, thats dirty".my mom is so uncomfortable with male nudity,its funny being raised around certain things and then forming your own opinion, on things like that, things that really dont matter, but then when you think of your mom it makes you uncomfortable. i dont know if it makes sence. this family we live in, its typical and laughable.i dreamt about mexican houses and this really big green one behind them all that was kyles, it was night time so i assumed he was sleepy guy, he was absent in my dream. somthing else. adri is asleep, i need to drink water and get ready.my head hurts, i have a worry lately, smoking hardly.